Thanksgiving = Favorite

Halloween = meh. I could live my life quite comfortably without this holiday. I’m a hobo and I don’t like to dress up, I’m trying to avoid candy right now, I hate carving pumpkins, and, since I don’t have children, the ones who come knocking on my door annoy me. However, one thing did amuse me this year. We went to the ward Halloween party on Saturday, and watching Mike in the donut eating competition was very entertaining.

Let’s fast forward to Thanksgiving. I love this holiday. Not only do I love feasting upon buttery rolls, graveyed-up potatoes, and dark meat, but I treasure that I get to focus on all of the wonderful blessings I have. It has been my favorite for years now. Dare I say more favorite than Christmas?

Once upon a time, I was in high school. When I was in this stage of life, a friend gave me a gratitude journal. I was instructed to write down 5 things I was grateful for each day starting a month before Thanksgiving arrived. One rule: You many never repeat anything that you are grateful for. They all have to be new, different things. I peeled off the cover that had assorted gratitude quotes on it and jazzed it up with NASCAR stickers, and then it quickly became something I was interested in. The first week was a piece of cake. I thought of the usual things: water, house, clothes, NASCAR, Dexter (my beloved Honda Civic), food, etc. Things got a little harder after that. I had to keep my eyes open and be thinking about the good things God had blessed me with. It was neat because I could really see God’s hand working to help me and answer my prayers. I know I wouldn’t have noticed if I weren’t keeping careful watch for my gratitude journal. Keep in mind that this didn’t happen right away. Some of my entries were quite self-centered and ridiculous.

Hence journal entry on Friday, November 21, 2003:

Glasses – only cute ones

I can do pushups

Caller ID

Foosball

I have eyebrows

My assortment of curling irons

Waffle Crisp

I think it took me several years to grasp the concept of looking for God’s hand in my daily life. However, I caught on eventually, and I always look forward to pulling out my little gratitude journal each and every year.

My wonderful ward Relief Society had a complete activity centered upon these stellar things. We made the cutest journals ever, which was perfect, because my old NASCAR one was full. After making one at the activity, I became a psycho-crazy-journal-making fiend, making them complete with an inside cover pocket. I have never been so crafty. I discovered Aleene’s Super Thick Tacky Craft Glue of Glory (it even fixed my kitchen chair! Mike didn’t believe craft glue would work, but Aleene sure showed him) and went to town. I have made probably about 2 dozen. My family, office friends, visiting teachees/teachers all have them, and I will probably make more before the week is over. I can’t stop.

Here are a few. These, unfortunately, are not my finest work. I sent the best ones to my family in Germany before I thought of taking a picture.

In case I wasn’t sure I got enough gratitudyness in, Mike and I constructed a Gratitude Tree on our front door for FHE. Every day we each write a thing we’re grateful for on a leaf and put up two leaves a day. It may look a little bare right now, but wait until Thanksgiving. That tree is going to look sweet.

PS. I have had this strange, sudden obsession with peanut butter cookies. I’ve made three batches in the past two weeks and I simply cannot get enough. No Halloween candy allowed, but cookies are always ok. : ) I am loving these!

While you’re looking, please notice the incredible countertops I have. Where else but Wymount can you find seafoam green with gold flecks? Um, probably nowhere. Mike and I are some of the remaining few, even here, to have these beauties. Despite their hideousness, Mike and I still think Wymount is the bomb.com. Best place for students to live ever. Ok, maybe it’d be the best if it had a washer and dryer. And a dishwasher too. And some sort of bathroom counter space for my assortment of curling irons. Ok, maybe it’s not so awesome. Good thing it’s gratitude time!

Fear of Having Children

Last night I went to a Relief Society fireside.

Before that I was at my wonderful Gma Stewart's house and having a wonderful time chatting about olden-day Halloween costumes, pretzels, and childhood memories of getting in trouble. My confession was drawing on the kitchen table in permanent marker when I was 4 and not fessing up after extreme parental interrogation for 3 days. Mike's was dumpster diving at the age of 5, finding and treasuring a car battery, and throwing discarded steak knives into trees. I was having a really good time with Mike, my sister JayneAnn (lovingly called Beetz), and Gma. I was so tempted to just stay at Gma's and eat more of her crab salad and crackers with nacho cheese and ignore that the fireside was going to happen. However, I left only 5 minutes later that when I told myself I should.

So at this fireside, that I was only 6 minutes late for, a lot what was said was talking about how lucky we are to be sealed to our families forever through our wonderful temples. This is especially wonderful because I am sealed to Mike. The one problem = I have an extreme fear of having children. Really. Not the whole raising them thing. That sounds like a piece of cake. I am deathly afraid of the whole labor and delivery part. Nothing sounds worse in the world to me. I told Mike I'd rather swallow 20 living spiders than go through that. I don't know why I'm so afraid, I just am. How am I going to be sealed to my whole family if I'm too scared to bring them into this world physically? Please let the stork story be true! You know, I'm scared of lots of things:

1. Giving birth (obviously)
2. Running out of gas
3. Spiders/Snakes/Bug Things
4. I am Legend zombies
5. Burglars
6. Getting a really bad bang trim
7. An earthquake happening while I'm in the shower
8. Losing my eyeliner or mascara.

All in that order. Not even joking, going through labor tops all of those. You think I am kidding, but I am not.

Just last week I was at Centennial Middle School. Part of my job at Provo School District includes going to various events to check out the things kids are doing. I take pictures of them doing scholarly things, then post stories on PSD's web site. Cool, right? This particular event at Centennial was a healthcare career fair for high schoolers in Provo and Alpine districts. Lots of doctors and nurses from all sorts of hospitals and departments were there. Kids could pick two or three they wanted to hear about and listen to them talk about their field. By pretending to be a real photographer, I needed a decent photo op to put on the web. I heard the labor and delivery class was having kids touch placentas. Very gross, but better than some dude standing next to a boring Powerpoint. I thought that while I was there, I should learn more about this whole delivering process. If I know what happens, I won't be as scared, right? This sounded very logical to me. I was standing in the back of the classroom, waiting patiently for the placenta to be passed around. Since I was wearing a pair of my more uncomfortable heels, I thought I should sit down in a spot in the back. Things progressed and the nurse talked about more uncomfortable things. Dilating, how to tell when the unborn baby is stressed, umbilical cords, etc. These probably wouldn't gross out a normal person, but they sure made me feel weird. Due to my extreme fear of needles, I was a good girl and closed my eyes for the epidural part. However, I knew things were still going downhill. Since I tend to pass out when faced with strange, medically situations and all needle pokings, I had a good idea where all of this was going. I tried to do all the things my doctor told me to if I felt like passing out:

1. While sitting, put your head between your knees.
Didn't help.
2. Breathe slowly and deeply.
Not working.
3. Get as close as you can to the ground so you don't get a concussion when you drop.
Maybe?

The next thing I remember I was sweating all over the place and there were three or four nurses around me asking me my name, where I was, and if I felt like throwing up. Awesome.

Luckily I happened to be at a healthcare career fair, complete with EMTs. Two gentlemen promptly rolled a stretcher through the class, lifted me onto it, and wheeled me through the sea of gawking high school-aged eyes. As they wheeled me away, I tried to pretend I was dead on the stretcher because it would be easier not to cry of embarrassment if I was dead. That actually helped. I better not see any of these people ever again. Students included.

I had an EMT, who looked like a younger, and shall I say more handsome?, version of Antonio Banderas call Mike to retrieve me. These people proceeded to do all sorts of tests on me. I told them over and over that I pass out when medically things scare me. Not a big deal. Just really, really, really, really embarrassing.

Mike was at the school in record time. Everyone was exceptionally nice to me. The nurse put in charge of watching me ended up being the mother of a kid I went to high school with. It all turned out fine. This is for my mom: Don't worry. I went to the doctor after. He said I didn't have any heart or seizure problems. I just have a strangely strong reaction to medically things. My body is fine. In case you are wondering, passing out will not happen while I'm driving because I will not encounter gross medically things on the road. There is a country song I like that talks about all of the bad things that happen to a guy in a day, including a part about having to go to the dentist, but I always change the station when it gets to the numbing shot part. Promise. While I'm sure you will worry, there is no logical reason for you to do so.

So this experience did not help me in wanting to have children. It only made it worse, if that was even possible. Flashback to the fireside, where I'm lamenting that storks no longer bring children to moms and dads. As I was sitting there, sad about my amazing wimpiness, an extremely wonderful, glorious, divine and amazing thought came into my head,

"Laken, I know you're scared of giving birth, but it's going to be ok. I promise. It will turn out just fine and you will do great. I'll be with you every step of the way."

I know Heavenly Father was letting me know He cares about my weird concerns, and I know He wants to help me with them. I was so grateful I went to that fireside so I could be in a place where I could feel the spirit and be able to hear that really comforting message that I really needed.

While I know a little Cannon will not be running around any time too soon in the future, and I still feel a little scared about the whole process, I know that everything will be ok. I didn't know that before. Running out of gas can now move to the top of my scary list.

Let's Try This Again...

As the evenings where I am home while Mike parties it up at the Lib increase in number, I have discovered that exercising and reading can only entertain me so long. This poor, neglected blog will frequently come to mind. While I am fully aware of the fact that my life is a little more dull compared to the next, why not?

Since the last post, mucho has happened in our little lives.

1. There was the whole law school application thing. Mike received zillions of stellar options, and most had some sort of scholarship attached. Awesome, right? Yes. However, we Cannons like to turn fun decisions into long, drawn-out, complicated processes. After months and months of deliberation, including around 83 pro/con sheets and me developing several ulcers over the matter, we/mostly he settled on staying right here in Provo to go to BYU (which thrilled me beyond belief).

2. First year of law school = a blur. Mostly Mike = absent. Sad for both of us. Work at my favorite Provo School District (PSD), hanging out with my family, and finding a strange, new love for cooking (thanks to watching Julia and Julie), made things better. Never fear, his insane studyingness paid off. That boy is brilliant/the hardest worker ever. He did really well and was offered two very lovely internships in Salt Lake that summer. Awesome. Surprised? Not really.

3. My dear family, who kept me so entertained, vamoosed from lovely Salem, Utah and settled back down in Nansdeiztweiler, Germany. Random, yet cool? Yes. My father is now doing IT stuff for an Army hospital there. My siblings now enjoy early morning seminary (heh heh), but also tennis tournaments and EFY in London, school trips to Switzerland, and other insane opportunities. While they do have to get up at 4:45 each morning, they get to do the coolest things that I never dreamed of as a little high schooler. While I miss them dearly, it is really fun to hear about their adventures trying the food, trying to fit Mrs. Norris, our beloved, giant Astro van, into parking spaces literally meant for Smart Cars, and other assorted fun. I had a lovely time visiting them for a couple weeks over the summer.

4. Mike and I have a sincere and deep love for Glee. Artie and Kurt top my list of favs, but I envy Emma's adorable clothes and hair and try to copy her all of the time.

5. I had my gallbladder removed. Probably one of the best days of my life. Not only did my stomach stop freaking out, but my strangely diseased gallbladder kept messing up my liver, which didn't cause any serious damage, it just made it want to have weird allergic reactions to things causing me to be extremely rashy for a few months. Gross/weird/so glad that's over.

6. Summer flew by. Mike worked hard at his fun internships at Chapman and Cutler and then at Parr Brown. Never heard of these firms? Don't worry, neither had I. Parr Brown = lots of social events. Some of them were quite amazing, nearly all of which I was invited to as well. We're talking concerts, including Paul McCartney, movies during the work day, going out to fancy restaurants, over night stays at Sundance, and many, many more. Insane.

7. Law school year 2. Our lives and sense of time now revolve around law school things, job application deadlines, etc. The whole month of September = Mike running around the country for interviews. He was gone at least one night a week in various cities including Dallas, San Diego, and New York City. We feel so lucky to have had these interviews, but we were both getting real tired of them at the end. It was so weird/wonderful to have him home there at the end! Thank heaven I had JayneAnn, my adorable sister, back from Germany to work and college it up, to shop, party, and eat cupcakes with me.

Success was had in all of these places and he received summer internship offers from at least one firm in each place. In law world, wherever you perform your second summer internship will 99% be the place you will work for once you graduate. Remember how we love to make fun decisions into hard and difficult ones? Please refer to #1, except no ulcers were involved this time. We only had about two weeks to deliberate on this one, instead of 9 months like before. Thank heaven. Through much prayer, fasting, and temple visiting we both felt that Dallas would be the best fit for us. While people question our choice when we could have had San Diego or NYC, we feel really good about it. Hopefully it will all work out. Of course it will! At least that's what I tell Mike all of the time. Can you see me as a Texan?

Forever long? Yes. Sorry.

Now you are officially caught up on our life and what in heavens name is going on, hopefully making other things make sense.